Stay-at-home mom of a 11 and 14-year-old complains that her husband making $130K gives her only $1000 of 'fun money' every month: 'If you feel poor, maybe it's time for you to get a job.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 15, 2025 11:00 AM EST

That $1000 is only used for her spending on herself…not the kids. 

Most people are hard-wired to find fault in any situation, no matter how dazzling. If you won $1000 a week for life in the lottery, you would eventually reach a point where that money no longer seems novel or exciting. If your life consisted of you being flown around the world to go on an endless vacation on someone else's dime, you'd still be able to find things to complain about. There's a reason why rich and famous people are often just as miserable, if not more miserable, than poor anonymous people. Suffering is the most essential part of the human condition, and having all of your needs met, and then some, does not make you immune to it.

While suffering is inevitable in life, there are times when you can absolutely control your emotions and be grateful. If you're crying over someone else having more spending money than you, when you already have more spending money than most, you need to get a grip or make some career changes so you can get the money you so desire.

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  • The stay-at-home mom in this story has a pretty cushy life. She gets $1000 a month from her husband to spend on herself, but she doesn't think that's enough after seeing how others spend at the mall.

  • A woman looking at clothes in a store
    via Andy Quezada (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for telling my wife "that's why you should get a job" after she told me people shop a lot more than she does?

    So my wife and I are in our late 30s, we've been married for 13 years and she's been a sahm that whole time other than doing a short grub hub gig for a few months. She made the decision of being a sahm
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • because she "wanted to spend time with the kids and not miss anything" even though when dating she said she wanted to work, and I expressed wanting to be a dual-income household.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • One child is mine biologically, the eldest is not. They are 14 and 11. Yesterday, my wife went to the mall shopping and when she came back she said "you should've seen all those people with alot of bags.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • Photo of woman holding white and black paper bags
    via freestocks

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • spending $800+ and here I was spending only $100, i felt poor" i told her "well if you feel poor maybe it's time for you to get a job" she went silent and walked away.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • For reference, I make $130,000 at my job after-taxes and we live in a lcol city with modest expenses. I give her $1,000/mo in "fun money" and she feels
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • it's not enough anymore. We have a separate fund for gifts the fun money is purely fun. This trip to the mall was just shopping for herself.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • I could increase her allowance, but i think it's reasonable so i just throw the extra into investing, and she's always saying how we should invest less and spend more, but I disagree. She always shows me
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • her friends on vacation and their wives shopping or what new car their husbands bought them, etc and I always say the same thing because most of those wives work jobs too and
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • she doesn't so i feel it's not an apples to apples comparison. AITA?
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • Savings-Bison-512 I literally survive on a fixed income of not much more than her spending money. Maybe she doesn't understand what being poor is really like.
    via u/Savings-Bison-512
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 She grew up dirt poor so she knows, but maybe she's forgotten.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • SuccessfulAd4606 You kids are in school all day- what possible need is there for her to continue to stay at home? Hope you've saved a ton of your income to pay for school, your oldest finishes high school in a couple of years.
    via u/SuccessfulAd4606
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 I've saved $50,000 per child, but that likely won't be enough.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • Man wearing academic gown
    via Charles DeLoye

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Stock-Cell1556 That's WAY too much "fun" on an income of $130,000 annually. Most of that money should be invested for their future.
    via u/Stock-Cell1556
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 Our expenses are super low. We already save over $3,000 per month. I feel it's a good compromise, but maybe it's not?
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • NPC_over_yonder Housewife checking in. Your wife is delulu if she thinks 1k in "fun" money a month isn't enough. That's enough to have lash extensions, massages, facials, classic nails and pedi and several "nice" (but not designer) items of clothing per month. This is assuming she buys gym memberships and fitness classes (health expense), streaming services (everyone uses it), home decor and kitchen things, and incidental food stuff (coffee and snacks while she's out running errands) with the "r
    via u/NPC_over_yonder
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 Yes all that stuff you mentioned are paid via regular money.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • LabCat62 NTA. She has $1000 a month to spend on herself? She saw a bunch of people spending more money than her, felt jealous, but only spent $100 herself? Where did the other $900 go?
    via u/LabCat62
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 She only spent 100 in that one transaction. She still has the other 900 but cant spend if all in one day or shell be "broke" the rest of the month.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • Straight-Nerve-5101 Ah. My dad grew up dirt poor and then was very successful. And spent ALL my parents money (my mom always worked) showing the world how successful he was. A few times into bankruptcy. My parents always leased cars...a new car every few years. They are always re-decorating their house...they just did it again last year, new wall paper, probably $10k easy. I mentioned elsewhere that, as a kid, I wanted cheap clothes like my friends wore but I had to shop where my parents had cre
    via u/Straight-Nerve-5101
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 No, kids stuff is separate. This $1,000 is 100% for her personal spending. Although it dies include spa days like nails, lashes, makeup, massages, things that people in other comments thought was unreasonable to include in "fun" money. I disagree, spa stuff is not necessary imo.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • FormSuccessful1122 Honestly, she has a grand a month. She could spend $800 every month on shopping if she wants. And apparently does. So I don't even get what her complaint was about.
    via u/FormSuccessful1122
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 Because she said these ppl are spending $800 in one single transaction( i suspect christmas shopping).
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • Hamlmplants The majority of mall shoppers will be carrying lots of bags this time of year, considering Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. Is your wife aware of Christmas shopping?
    via u/Hamlmplants
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 That's what i told her, it's probably just christmas shopping and they probably have more than a single earner.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • soleiles1 Am I the only one wondering how much this couple has in retirement?
    via u/soleiles1
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 We have 400k in retirement accounts and another 100k in kids college accounts and we are still saving over 3,000 per month.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152
  • kittyhawk85 Do you have a $1000/month allowance for yourself?
    via u/kittyhawk85
  • OP Existing_Love_3152 Yes, but i rarely spend it all, and some of it goes to our "date night" and family dinners out.
    via u/Existing_Love_3152

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stay at home mom salary marriage spending money shopping wife relationships husband dad mom
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